Friday, 15 June 2012

Knights of Micro Fiction


I decided to take part in the Knights of Micro Fiction contest this month, hosted by the awesome Kathy at Imagine Today and Jess at Write.Skate.Dream. Go and check out both their blogs if you don't know them and join in the challenge if you fancy it! They post a story prompt on the 13th of each month and participants have until 11.59pm on the 15th to post their entries. By the 17th, two winners will be chosen to be featured on their blogs. Here's this month's prompt:

Write a 200 word or less, flash fiction beginning with this phrase:  Her eyes shot open....
You are free to change the gender and the POV if you want to. 

Here's my entry of exactly 200 words. I had half an hour to write it as I was at my daughter's sports day this morning and I edited it over lunch. All feedback welcome!

The Clearing

Her eyes shot open, then closed again. She hadn’t expected blinding sunlight, and her fuzzy mind tried to retreat into oblivion. But she knew something was wrong, so she slid one eye open to find clouds instead and leaves in her peripheral vision.

She sat up and tried to work out why she was in a forest clearing, panic rising within her as she realised she had no idea what had happened last night. Had she been violated, left for dead?

Although she was in one piece, it didn’t mean something bad hadn’t happened. The first thing to do was get home, then get herself checked out by a doctor. She stood up unsteadily.

At the edge of the clearing, her phone rang. She didn’t recognise the number and answered warily.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Davey.” Ah... “Are you OK?”

“Not really. I’m in a forest.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. We left the party together, but you passed out. Then my girlfriend showed up at the house and phoned because I wasn’t there. I panicked and ran back. Do you want some help?”

“No thanks, I’ll manage.” She hung up and reminded herself not to go to any more student parties.

34 comments:

Sally said...

Well he certainly isn't a gentleman leaving a lady in distress! Great writing.

kmckendry said...

Great post Nick! Thanks for joining in.

I wouldn't go to anymore parties either if I woke up in a forest!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was rude!

fairbetty said...

Wow... he left her twice. What a jerk!

Great post!

Julie Dao said...

Who would leave a defenseless girl alone in a forest after a party?! I hope she sobers up and punches that guy in the face ... AND never go to any more events with him :D Great piece, Nick!

Ashna Banga said...

Nice post! Gives a feeling of uneasiness in the beginning, then the reason becomes clear! Loved reading it. :)

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Nick .. yes at least she wasn't left wondering what on earth had gone on ... and he was decent enough to think twice and phone ..

Good sports day story .. cheers Hilary

Susan Oloier said...

I like the tension in the beginning, which is resolved in the end.
Technical things: "Her eyes shot open, then closed again. She hadn’t expected blinding sunlight (comma here) and her fuzzy mind tried to retreat into oblivion. But it knew something was wrong," Should "it" in this sentence be "she"?
Nice job!

Leigh Covington said...

LOL! I'm laughing at comments! Fun to read. Definitely a jerk, but brilliant writing. Very fun!

Aldrea Alien said...

Well that's one jerk of a friend. Or perhaps I should say ex-friend, especially after this, eh?
Very nice feel to the whole piece.

Nick Wilford said...

Sally - No - or for cheating on his girlfriend. Thanks!

Kathy - Thanks. Those parties can get out of hand!

Alex - Indeed.

Fairbetty - Well, he phoned back, but a jerk all the same. Thanks!

Julie - Lol, thanks.

Ashna - Thanks. That's what I was going for - it could have been a lot more sinister.

Hilary - Thanks. I appreciate everyone's comments because I wasn't sure how this would be received!

The sports day was fun. Kind of organised chaos.

Susan - Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. "It" in this case was supposed to be her mind, but I can see how it could be confusing. I'll edit accordingly!

Leigh - Thanks very much!

Aldrea - Yes, hopefully she won't tangle with him again. Thanks!

Michael Pierce said...

Great flash! Though definitely not a great guy. Nice flow to your writing.

Elise Fallson said...

Nice job on this piece! You got me all kinds of mad at the jerk-off who left her in the woods, passed out, by herself! I also want to have a nice long chat with this gal, I mean what was she thinking!! (:

Stephen Tremp said...

I knew a few people who would do things like this back in the day. Fortunately, I always found my way back home. I may not remember how the next morning, but I made it back.

C.B. Wentworth said...

Love your entry! :-)

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Ha! Well, at least he called her, but still. Cute story.

Kathy M.

Jess said...

Ooh very nicely done! I love the tension in the beginning! Great entry and thanks for participating!

kmckendry said...

Hey Nick just wanted to let you know that you were chosen as one of our winners!! I'll be emailing you shortly. :)

Ashna Banga said...

Congratulations on winning! :D

Elise Fallson said...

^^ High 5 Nick and congrats! :D

Michael Pierce said...

I know I've already left a comment, but I had to come back to let you know that I have an award waiting for you first thing Monday morning on my blog. Hope you check it out. :)

C.M.Brown said...

What a nasty piece of work this guy is! Hey, but congrats on having a winning entry!

Nick Wilford said...

Michael - Thanks very much, and thanks for the award! :)

Elise - Thanks, I'm glad I provoked a strong reaction!

Stephen - Hang on, you knew people who would leave you passed out in the woods?! Sounds like a pretty shady past, or maybe I just didn't make the most of my youth! Congrats on your Breakthrough party. I'll be putting a shout out on the blog hopefully by the end of the day.

C.B. - Thank you.

Kathy - I think he was just worried she might not have been alive!

Jess, Kathy - Thanks a lot, and thanks for choosing me as a winner! It was stiff competition for sure.

Ashna - Thanks!

C.M. - Yeah, a sleazebag alright. Thanks! :)

Tobi Summers said...

Wow. What a douche. I think my response would have involved quite a few more four letter words than hers did.

(Happy belated Father's Day, by the way!)

Morgan said...

I love your writing, Nick! You've got a nice easy flow to it... very comfortable to the reader, which lets the story shine through. Great stuff.

Usama said...

Hey congratulations Nick. :)
Great take on the prompt by the way. Win very well deserved. :)

Julia King said...

Great job!

What a sucky friend to just leave her. I'd have kicked him where it hurts. haha

Medeia Sharif said...

What a terrible situation to be in, but at least she's okay. Great piece.

The Golden Eagle said...

At least she woke up in the end . . . what a situation.

Great story!

Lynda R Young said...

lol! The poor thing!

Great story.

Lisa Regan said...

I love this! Brilliant! Did not expect the end from where it started out which is what makes me love it even more.

Nick Wilford said...

Tobi - Lol. I don't think she thought it was worth it. And thanks!

Morgan - Thank you! That means a lot. :)

Usama - Thanks! I liked your entry too. Hope you go for it again next month.

Julia - Thanks. I'm getting a lot of these sort of responses from female readers!

Medeia, Golden, Lynda - Thanks!! :)

Lisa - Thank you. If a reader's surprised by the ending then I'd consider that a job well done!

Misha Gericke said...

Hahahaha that sounds like some party.

Nick Wilford said...

Misha - Memorable for the wrong reasons!